His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
