i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
