Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
