so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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