im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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