I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
