my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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