I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
