Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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