I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
