i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
