and you said cock pushups were impossible
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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