I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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