Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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