Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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