i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
