Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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