carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
