Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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