Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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