If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
