I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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