It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
