its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
