Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish you could order shots online.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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