i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
