WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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