The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
