also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
