True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
