Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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