is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think my moral compass just broke
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