Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
