Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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