i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
