she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
