i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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