dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
