3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
