not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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