you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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