I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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