Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
