Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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