She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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