I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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