dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
