Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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