Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is my life. Enjoy the view
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
