when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize