I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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