Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
