Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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