I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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