Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
