is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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