after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
