Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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