I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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