Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Soap is not a condiment
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
