I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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