She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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