apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
