I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
