I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
