we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
